Wednesday, May 30, 2012

thank you God

i am so glad that may is almost over.  this month was terrible for me and i am happy to see it end.  i pray for june to be filled with sunshine, fun and good news.


Saturday, May 26, 2012


dear heavenly Father,

you promise in psalm 32:8 that you will will instruct me and teach me in the way i should go, that you will counsel me and watch over me.  i place my trust in you to honor your words in me.  advise me and guide me through this life.  keep me close to you as you watch over me.

in Your name i pray,

Thursday, May 24, 2012

celebrate good times

ryan's birthday was yesterday. he is nine. we had his friends over for a party last weekend, but yesterday was just us.  him.  us.  fine, him.  geesh.

i went in to school and met him for lunch, played with him for recess and read to his class, then handed out brownies.  he had wanted me to bring strawberry shortcake but that was just too difficult.  after school we went home and he got to open cards and presents (legos and hockey stuff).  for supper, he wanted to barbequed ribs and shirley temples, so we went to bennett's.  we surprised him with a trip to coldstone creamery for ice cream cake on the way home.

it was a good day.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

colfax half-marathon update

do you ever wonder what the f*ck you were thinking when you signed up for a race? (yes, i know this is a christian blog, but seriously? sometimes an eff-bomb feels good.)

when i went to bed on saturday, i wasn't sure i was going to participate in this race.  in fact, i didn't even set my clothes out.  may 20th is the two-year anniversary of my dad's death and i was feeling pretty emotional.  actually, the whole month has been pretty difficult, emotionally and physically.

my alarm woke me up at 4:10.  i turned it off and decided i wasn't going to go; i laid in bed and cried.  by 4:30, i drug myself out of bed to shower and get ready.  my dad would not want me to use him as an excuse not to complete something i had committed to.  i wanted to be down at the start line by 5:35, but because i wasn't prepared, i didn't get there until 5:55.  luckily, it ended up being the perfect time.  the race started at 6 and my corral (g) started at about 6:10.

this half-marathon was a humbling experience for me.

you know how when you decide to walk, any running you do is a bonus?  well, i decided to walk the whole thing.  i started out with a group that was walking.  it was a slow, sustainable pace and would finish before the four hour cut-off.

ten minutes into the walk, i started running.  it was not something that i decided - it just happened.  i was not running fast, but i was not walking anymore.  after that, the first six miles became a blur.  i was alone inside my head thinking about my dad.

at mile seven, i sat down on the sidewalk and bawled.  several people asked me if i was okay and if i needed a medic.  i replied (while crying) 'no, i'll be okay.  my dad died.  i'm going to finish, i just need a minute.'  i was vaguely aware of their faces as they moved on.  i am sure they thought it was weird (ahem, awful, ahem) that i was out there running a race, not realizing that i was actually talking about a two year anniversary.  thank you to anyone who stopped and made sure i was okay!  after, i don't know, 15 or so minutes i was calm enough to get up and run again.

the rest of the course, i was more aware of my surroundings.  i waved to all the spectators, volunteers and police officers along the way.  there were a lot.  the course took us in and through a firestation, getting high fives from all the firefighters.  there was also a cute motorcycle parade around mile ten.  some elvis impersonators at mile eleven. i think i missed most of the 'sites' that this run is known for in the beginning of the race.

i was passed by about twenty people, who were walking when i was running.  apparently, some people can WALK faster than i can RUN.  how's that for humbling?  :)

at mile twelve, i stopped running.  pretty abruptly because the person behind me almost ran into me.  (sorry about that, dude!)  lots of people were encouraging, saying 'almost there' or 'just one more mile', but i was pooped.  all that angst or sorrow or whatever energy had disappeared.

when there was .1 mile left, the marathoners joined us half-marthoners to the finish.  yet another humbling experience to realize that they doubled the amount of miles i ran, but in the same amount of time.  yikes.  i ran to the finish line and received my finishers medal.  i really am a fan of races that give out medals.

the clock time was 3:20, but my official chip time was 3:09:03.  i honestly can't believe that this run was slower than the platte river half when i ran all of it but first ten minute and the last mile.  oh, well.  i guess my focus was not on time or pace.  this race felt... not easier, but perhaps, took less concentration? 

anyway, dad, i hope i made you proud.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

when you move, i'll move

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you

two half-marathons down, one to go. the lyrics from this song by chris tomlin remind me to serve you, to seek you, to know you, to follow you. i run after you.

Friday, May 18, 2012

running for enjoyment

wait... what?

running, just because you enjoy running? i don't think i have ever done that. not once. i run for the challenge of finishing a certain distance. i run because it is mentally hard. i do not enjoy it. i have never gotten a 'runner's high'.

running for enjoyment. what's that like?

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

is it possible?

it is possible that my second half-marathon is few days away and i feel LESS prepared for this one?

Saturday, May 12, 2012

offering advice

you're a decent runner.  you know it, and so do all your friends.

except, well... you stink at running.

sure, you get out there and run a race.  sure, you show off the medals you've earned.  sure, you talk about the next race you are 'training' for.  when it comes up in conversation, you lie and say running rocks, and offer advice to your unsuspecting friends, but it's time to admit the truth.  (go on, you are not alone.)

okay, maybe it's just me and i am all alone. 


i have joined a friend as she starts the 'couch to 5k' program.  supposedly for moral support.  supposedly to coach her.  but it's time for me to admit that i am not the seasoned runner i pass myself off to be.  i struggle.  this blog has chronicled HOW MUCH i struggle.  we are on week 2 and i find myself watching the clock to see when i can stop running to take a walk break. 

it seems like maybe i need to stop reading about speed work/hills/farklets and get back to the basics.  just running.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

new yoga studio

i am now at corepower yoga for the month.  i still miss yogacycle... but i have another 2 groupons to use before i can go back.  *sigh*  i am glad i found something i love doing; i just wish it was not so expensive and was a little less of a drive.

have you taken an exercise class you loved, but for one reason or another, didn't go back?

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

my dear friend...

...sent me this:

for no reason other than she is a sweetheart.  i love it.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

back to the beginning

my weight is exactly where it was 2 years ago.  exactly.  why was i able to maintain all last year, but struggle with gaining this year?  i am up another 3 pounds from here.

i bet it has something to do with my food choices. 

the nice thing about logging my food is that i can see trends.  normally, i am pretty proud of my trends.  not so much right now.

my top food list includes:
Krispy Kreme Chocolate-Iced Glazed Donut
Oregon Chai Tea
Pacific Gold Turkey Jerky
Claussen Pickle
Campbell's V8 Original Vegetable Juice
Idahoan Instant Loaded Baked Mashed Potatoes
Kraft Mac and Cheese
French Bread
Dipping Oil with Spices
Mexican Restaurant Order of Chips and Salsa
Restaurant Fruit and Cheese Plate
Restaurant Blue Cheese Dressing
McDonald's Filet of Fish Sandwich
Pizza Hut Pepperoni Pizza
Smashburger Sweet Potato Fries
Eel and Avocado Sushi Roll
Taco John's Apple Grande
Moscato Wine

what happened to my veggies?  my fruit?  my healthy dairy?  instead, i have been snacking and eating out.  and gaining weight.

Friday, May 4, 2012


so, i'm well again.  kinda.

i ran on monday with my friend michelle.  michelle and i are running a 5k together in july.  it was fun... except that i have no stamina.  1.5 miles and i was done.  i feel like i am starting back from the very beginning.

i am discouraged.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

my week in food

crackers, cheese and pastrami with a v8
lime chili panko chicken with cauliflower and broccoli and an orange
shirley temples
beef and peppers stirfry
green chili and tomato pizza
sliders with mushroom, peppers, tomatoes and feta with broccoli and cauliflower
chips and salsa with margaritas
smoked salmon blt with yellow tomatoes and chipotle mayo
chicken parmesan (the boys made this for us!)
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